Grey Gardens dilapidation |
I tend to have a hard time believing absolutes. However, when Jesus says, "You cannot serve both God and Money," it is hard to disagree. Keller mentioned that if our heart is truly resting in God, it doesn't feel like we are giving. That would explain the tension I have felt in recent days, paying for vaccinations and high-quality sandals and hats. I have completely failed to trust in the Lord. Instead of using my giving as a way to joyfully serve my God, I've been trying to save it, giving myself a false sense of control. Oh control. When will I ever learn to give it up?
Keller went on to discuss our anxieties and fragility. (Wait a minute-- I thought we would just be talking about money...) My life is so fragile, so fraught with insecurity, because I've placed my heart, my vision, my treasure, upon things that can break. I live life riding the ups and downs of anxiety, waiting for the time when these precious things will collapse and I will have to rebuild my life. Clearly, I treasure more than just money. And because of this, I cannot love my God as I should.
Writer David Foster Wallace has some wonderful words on this topic. Although an unbeliever (who ended his own life back in 2008), he gets the human desperation for things that will ultimately fail. Ironically enough, it is those things that we cherish the most in this world that make us the most insecure.
“If you worship money and things — if they are where you tap real meaning in life — then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already — it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power — you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart — you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on.”
So how do I fight these urges to worship the transient? Treasure God. And how do I learn to "treasure" God? Start by realizing and believing how much He treasures me.
My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may
have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know
the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures
of wisdom and knowledge. - Colossians 2:2,3