Monday, January 7, 2013

Grace Like a River



      

      There are two rivers in Mundri.  One is the Yei, which starts below South Sudan and runs north into the White Nile.  The Mori is a smaller tributary of the Yei, stretching out through town. Besides adding to the aesthetics of western equatoria, these rivers help provide many opportunities for social interaction in Mundri town.  For months I’ve been hearing about the riverside adventures of my male teammates, who get to go to the water with other South Sudanese men on a regular basis.  As a woman, it isn’t appropriate to casually hang out with the guys, so I’ve had to learn to appreciate sitting with my female friends at their compounds, watching them braid hair and embroider curtains.  I must then ride my bike back home in the evenings and listen to the guys’ accounts of catching fish, exploring untrodden land, and swimming in the brisk river rapids.  As someone who relies on outdoor exertion for catharsis from the day-to-day stressors, it has been difficult to spend most days static.  The envy builds (along with the self-pity) and I tell myself that my occasional morning runs down the road toward Okari are enough to sustain me.  Of course, I could schedule a river trip with the other girls on the team, but that would require exploration of an unknown region in town, and I also feared burdening the other girls with a deep longing that I assumed was only felt by me.    

      Then one day, while decorating Christmas sugar cookies with Karen and Alice (two African friends in town), I was invited to go to the river.  At first I assumed my female friends were going for a specific chore, like washing their clothes or tending a nearby garden, but Karen informed me that they were going simply to relax and to play.  A whole day by the river! I was elated. 

River Trip #1

      The next day I met them at their place, a neat, fenced-in compound of mainly women.  Their compound is a unique one—it is dominated and run by single women.  Most men fear messing around with any of the ladies living there.  These women are serious—education and work are top priority, and no one of the opposite sex is going to interfere with those endeavors.  This particular day, five of the girls from the compound headed out on foot to the river.  The crew consisted of Karen, who is around my age; Alice and Martha, who are teenagers; and two little five-year-olds, Helen and Blessing.  The walk to the river was an enjoyable one of about 2 miles, passing through smaller compounds, Mundri II Primary School, and the overgrown and isolated land surrounding Mundri Secondary School.  The girls got to experience a little of the discomfort of being an outsider, as every child we passed by shouted, “Kawaja, kawaja, kawaja! (slang for white person) Howareyouhowareyouhowareyou?!  It hit them with just how different they are from their very own neighbors, who stop and stare at the novelty of light skin. 

      As soon as we got to the river, the little ones stripped down to their underwear and got in the river to play.  Martha and Alice got in as well, only they wore shirts and leggings to stay covered.  Karen and I didn’t dress for the river, so we wandered—along the calm bank, under the shade of the mango trees, and through the green lines of newly planted pede pede (greens).  We found a good spot to sit and catch up on life.  We ate oranges that the kids had picked from the trees and we dipped our feet in the cool water, watching the tiny fish swim nearby, cautiously.  No one else was around.  Besides the blowing breeze and the laughter of the girls up river, no sound could be heard.  Karen spoke about how she longed for these moments to get away from the obligations of daily life and reflect.  As someone who works six days a week in the middle of town, amongst the loud gossip of shop ladies and the violent arguing of drunk soldiers, she can appreciate time in solitude and silence.  We all walked back to town under the golden glow of the setting sun, and I thought about how foolish I had been the past few months.  I had complained about not being able to go out into nature, but had done nothing to change my circumstances.  I go around, preaching to young S. Sudanese women about working hard to make their lives better, and I can’t even stir up the courage to orchestrate a day trip to the river.  Biking back to my place from town, I didn’t even notice the shouts of “Kawaja” or “Obonje.” I was riding high from having spent the best afternoon since being in Mundri—and now I knew that a little gumption was all I needed to pursue more wonderful adventures in the future. 


River Trip #2

      A couple of weeks later, the Masso family planned a day trip to a different part of the river.  I jumped at the opportunity for some more riverside exploration.  This time, I dressed appropriately in workout attire, planning on experiencing all the elements the river had to offer.  The Masso’s have a favorite spot, a rocky island near some small rapids, where they can set up chairs and have a picnic.  After slowly (and very awkwardly) carrying my belongings over the rocks to the island, I got to have a kayak lesson from Liana and Acacia.  Their bravery with the outdoors always amazes me.  I carefully stepped into my kayak, gripping onto the sides like my life depended upon it; the other two jumped down into a narrower kayak their own way, with Acacia lounging in the seat and Liana sitting on the bow.  We headed upstream and I got to see a side of Mundri completely new to me.  Swampy grassland dipped down into water and heavy trees hung over, casting shadows on the outer sides of the river.  Small, rocky islands jutted out from the middle of the river, and occasional groups of naked children bathed along the banks.  Sometimes their skin blended in so well with the dark brown rocks that I didn’t see them until I glided right passed them, their mouths gaping open at the sight of my white skin and bright orange kayak.  I passed two men who had constructed their own means of river transportation—a long raft made from bamboo shafts, a helpful way to catch fish in the deeper ends of the river.  

      When I felt ready, I turned around to go downstream and made my way over the rapids.  Granted, the rapids were tiny; however, I was proud of myself for getting over them smoothly and quickly paddling my way over to shore.  The rest of the day was spent sitting on the river rocks, letting the cool water rush over my back and try to push me off my perch.  When I got too cold, I would go and lie on the flat rocks that had been warmed by the sun all day.  Gaby waded in the still parts of the water and tossed in some bread, in hopes of catching some fish in his hand.   Michael and Andrew voluntarily turned their kayaks upside down and worked on unsinking themselves.  We snacked on bread and g-nut paste and read the books we have all been working on.  (Mine was Mansfield Park, and it did not disappoint!)  

      Riding back in the truck that afternoon, I nearly fell asleep.  My body had that well-satisfied fatigue that it gets after a long day of fun busyness, like a trip to Kings Dominion or a day at Virginia Beach. Again, God had reminded me of His goodness and beauty, in light of all my self-pity and naysaying in Mundri living.  He graciously gave me the desire of my heart to get outdoors and He showed me that it isn’t always so complicated to do so.  

  
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
-Lamentations 3:22,23


Thursday, December 20, 2012

Take Heart




“By deliberately attaching our given days to their holy antecedents, we are able to glimpse an eternal significance embodied in our every moment—redeeming our days from what might otherwise be a melancholy emptiness.”
-Scott Cairns

       This is the first time that I have fully celebrated advent, and it has dramatically changed how I’ve approached the Christmas season.  In the past, December has always been a joyful month, but mainly in anticipation for Christmas celebrations with friends and family.  All focus during this time of year is typically spent in preparations for these long-awaited gatherings set in glittering and spotless homes of the finest hosts.  My eager self spends the month constructing gingerbread houses, baking cookies, and driving all over the congested parking lots of high-end shopping centers and Target stores in search of the perfect gift. All reflections of Bethlehem and that holy night are pushed aside, only to be forced back into my mind on Christmas day, when it seems most appropriate.  Of course, by the time December 25’th arrives, I’m so emotionally exhausted that I can’t bring myself to reflect on the wonder of a Christ child in a waiting world.  By January 1’st, I find myself sitting in a room of new gifts, overcome with guilt, wondering how I managed to avoid Jesus another Christmas season.

       This holiday season, I’ve been reflecting on Jesus everyday.  It hasn’t been some sort of pious praise fest, in which I claim to be overjoyed each day.  However, it has been a month of thinking on God’s promises.  I’ve been struck by how good God is to follow through with his promises, even if they aren’t fulfilled the way I’d anticipate. That’s nothing new—even during the time of Christ’s birth, mankind has been assuming that they know when, why, and how God will fulfill His plans.  A humble child is certainly not what Israel had in mind. 

       My advent readings have also gotten me thinking about the theme of waiting, which is something I find myself doing a lot here in Mundri.  I wait for meetings, for people, for seasons, for change.  I tend to approach waiting with a negative attitude, given over to frustration and discontent at what is yet to be.  However, I have been learning to be content in waiting, to find joy in the hope of what is to come.  Before Christ’s birth, the world waited in eager anticipation for the coming of the Savior king.  They experienced “the paradox of joy, in the midst of desire,” because they trusted in God’s promises.  This posture of hopeful waiting has given me patience to endure those everyday trials—the lesson plan that flops, the miscommunication in the market, the setbacks in knowing and understanding the people here. The prophet Isaiah tells us that, “those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.”  If that’s the case, then the people here in S. Sudan are certainly building up their strength each day.   


Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
-Psalm 27:14

If anyone is looking for a good advent book for next year, I highly recommend 
God With Us: Rediscovering the Meaning of Christmas
Ed. Greg Pennoyer/Gregory Woolfe


Friday, December 14, 2012

Making Seasons Bright






This holiday season prayerfully consider giving to the World Harvest South Sudan team, as we partner with local churches to bless the community in education, health and development.

Ways to give

South Sudan Education Fund: Help support the needs of local primary and secondary schools.  $70 sponsors a teacher, enabling him/her to go to one of our teacher trainings.


South Sudan Operations Fund: Our team has a serious need to fill, as a donor for our team vehicle has fallen through.  The cost of the vehicle is around $50,000. 


Jennifer Disse Missionary Fund:  As I approach my six-month anniversary as a missionary in S. Sudan, it is time to start fundraising for my next year on the field.  I would love to see an increase in my support team, more monthly supporters who can become a part of the work God is doing in Mundri, S. Sudan.    


To give to any of these funds go to the following website: http://www.whm.org/give and then search for the "project" (or missionary) fund of your choice. 

Thanks!
And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:19



Friday, November 30, 2012

Overcome Evil with Good



I don’t know if this has something to do with having many male teammates and having just watched Batman Begins or if this is something God is wanting me to focus on (perhaps both), but I have recently been struck by Romans 12:21 when Paul says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”  I’ve been dwelling on the reality of both good and evil in the world and questioning my role in that duality. 
Having just returned from a rejuvenating retreat in Kampala, I thought I’d enter Mundri Town ready to dig deep into the mire of broken systems, sin, sickness, and poverty.  Unfortunately, I had forgotten just how deep these pits are, and how much I hate to get my fingers dirty.  Early our first morning back, our team was called to drive a laboring woman to the clinic.  The baby ended up dying and the woman was driven to the hospital to receive further care.  Sadly, this is a way of life in S. Sudan.  I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve stayed awake listening to the monotonous beating of a funeral drum at a nearby compound.  It quickly becomes background noise, like chirping crickets or scraping tree branches along the roof of my tukul. 
My sense of futility here in S. Sudan has been stronger than ever, and I don’t know if it will ever completely dissipate.  However, I have found hope in God’s word, as it exhorts me to continually show love, despite all circumstances, in the pursuit of all that is good.  Romans 12 reads,

Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good… be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with God’s people who are in need.  Practice hospitality… Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 

I have seen so much love since I’ve returned to Mundri.  Our neighbors greet us with open arms and invite us into their homes for a meal.  The teachers at Kotobi smile from ear to ear and joke with us like we are old friends.  My friends in town sit beside me, wanting to hear EVERYTHING about my time in Kampala.  People are still offering puppies to Gaby and Liana, who lost their dog over a month ago.  The people in Mundri know pain.  They know sadness and destruction and still choose love everyday.  They trust that the Lord will bring them out of the mire and they keep on moving.  Maybe that is how evil is defeated—simply by clinging to Good in the face of evil.    

The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.  So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
-Romans 13:12

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Part of the Promise



South Sudan Team, Fall, 2012!


     The past two weeks comprised my team’s covenant renewal retreat, held in various parts of Kampala, Uganda.  During this time we discussed the vision of our team, what each individual’s role is, and how we can work together as humble and loving stewards.  Of course we did all of this in the setting of lovely Uganda, taking time to jog through the hilly streets, climb high ropes in the treetops, boat on Lake Victoria, and lounge beside the scenic pool. The past two weeks have felt more like play than work; however, that was the intention, given that missionaries can quickly become overwhelmed with their tasks on the field.  The needs that we face in Africa each day are great, and it is easy to become discouraged, wondering if we are doing anything worthwhile.  It is also easy to start doubting God’s plan when we don’t see the fruit that we would like to see when we want to see it.  I’ll admit that in my human pride I can think I have a better plan for my Moru friends than the Lord has.  I struggle to see God’s faithfulness toward many groups of people in this part of the world.

     I was very grateful to hear truth from God’s word through Pastor Michael Howell during the retreat.  He taught from the book of Joshua, focusing on God’s promises to us and how we are designed for His purpose each day.  If I think my job here in S. Sudan is difficult, I can’t even imagine having the task that was placed on Joshua’s shoulders.  He had to take on Moses’ job of guiding the Israelites to the Promised Land.  He had to lead the people out of Jericho, past the king’s army, and through the River Jordan.  The book reiterates God’s promises throughout the story, as an impetus for Joshua’s action.  Joshua realizes that the work of the Lord isn’t founded on the skilled decisions of man, but on His solid promises.  If God had been faithful to Moses, He would continue to be faithful to the Israelites—and so Joshua acts.   

     I think that’s where it all starts to fall apart for me. I’ve heard Biblical stories of God’s goodness since I was a child, but it is difficult for me to connect that God with the God of today.  I somehow feel like the game has changed, and God works differently with me. Throughout the week I was convicted of my lack of conviction.  When do I ever act boldly after hearing strong testimony (like the brave Rahab did)?  When do I think back on God’s goodness to Abraham and Joseph and Moses and become “strong and courageous”?  When do I even think back on God’s goodness in just the past week?

     God has called me to be a part of His exciting work on Earth—what a joy to be a part of that!  I can either trust in His covenant and commit to that work—or not.  Regardless of what I do, God’s promises will come to fruition; but why wouldn’t I want to be a part of the excitement that comes with God’s power being manifest in the farthest reaches of the globe? 

     The Israelites who died just after reaching the Promised Land were buried in that very region they sought after so fervently.  My first reaction is to feel disappointed for those who didn’t get to enjoy life on their new land, after all their hard work and journeying.  Pastor Mike, however, gave a different perspective, reminding us that “their tombstones were monuments to the faithfulness of God.”  I wonder if I will ever have the faith to really view tombstones as monuments of faithfulness.  Until then, I will continue to look for those little stones in my life, the ones on the other side of the stormy seas in my life, the ones that speak of God’s power, goodness, and faithfulness here on earth.  

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

R & R

   
     Tomorrow the team is heading off to the big city of Kampala, Uganda for team meetings and a retreat.  Keep us in your prayers as we discuss our team dynamics, the future of our work here in S. Sudan, and how we can best serve our God and the people of Mundri.  I'm so excited to finally get to explore Kampala, hoping that I can hit up many good coffee shops, buy some gifts for my friends and family, and indulge in some superb Indian food.  I can't wait!

Friday, November 2, 2012

The Token "Seasons Change" Post

Celebrating, fall style, for my 28'th birthday!

    

    I’m missing the seasonal change going on right now in my home state of Virginia.  This is the time when the leaves become infused with fiery colors, lighting up the forests with their warmth.  They fall to the ground in crunchy piles and smell like a vintage earth.  I love how the sky is a deep blue, and the air is just brisk enough to keep me outside and moving (hopefully moving from harvest festival, to apple orchard, to local winery…).  This time of year is a lovely repose before the awfulness of a Virginia winter, with its icy rain and erratic temperature swings.  I hold onto the season for as long as possible, in hopes of prolonging the weather-induced peace that is Autumn. 

     The season is changing here in Mundri, as well, though not in the same way as back in the states.  Lulu tree leaves are eaten away by droves of fuzzy caterpillars and, in time, the trees become skeletons.  The rest of the greenery is slowly dwindling down to withered branches.  Those of us on the team get caked in red dirt after riding bikes to and from town.  It gets in our mouths, under our nails, and coats our hair.  And the temperatures rise… and rise.  Yes, we are starting to feel the effects of an African dry season.  Granted, I have only been given a small taste of it, but I’m preparing myself for (what I have been told is) a considerably long season of monotony in climate.  The dry season typically goes from November until April.  Although it is hot, many people prefer it to the rainy season.  There are no unexpected rain showers to raise the river levels and muddy the roads, impeding travel.  There is less death, as fewer people struggle with infections and malaria. People can even spend time outside under the stars without having to worry about mosquitoes eating them alive. I’m glad to have a break from the daily downpours we’ve been getting here in Mundri; however, I know I will miss the beauty of a violent African storm. 

     I’ve also been feeling a change in myself during this time—a sensation that a new season in my Mundri life is approaching.  The Lord has been giving me increased boldness to step out into the Moru community and meet new people, ask more questions, and offer more of my skills.  The World Harvest team has recently been preparing for our upcoming vision retreat, in which we will discuss where we see the team and its S. Sudanese partnerships headed in the future.  My head has been swarming with ideas of how I can use my God-given passions and gifts to bless the community here.  I’d love to start a children’s worship service at a nearby church and train teens and young adults to keep it going.  I want to have frequent film showings in the town centre for all to enjoy; we could train some of the students at the theological college in the audio/visual setup so they could partner with us and have a greater sense of ownership in the event.  I want to hold more teacher trainings. I want to start journalism and creative writing clubs at secondary schools. I want to foster a creative and critical mindset in the young people here.  I want to start Bible studies.  I want to give generously.  I want to do a lot of things. 

     The key is discerning which of these projects will benefit the people of Mundri and which are just pipe dreams—ambitions that Jennifer Disse has to puff herself up and make herself feel useful and important in the world.  God has given me a passion and energy for serving the people of South Sudan for a reason.  His gifts are not in vain.  However, I must keep my overwhelming sense of self in check, as I go about making great plans of all that I want to do.  Without the Lord, I can do nothing.  I was listening to a Tim Keller sermon the other day and he asked the simple question, “What gets you out of bed in the morning?”  If it isn’t the love of Jesus Christ, there needs to be some reevaluation of my goals and priorities.  I’ll admit that, since I’ve been in S. Sudan, I’ve been urged more by a sense of obligation and pride than the overwhelming love of Christ.  I want more of that in my heart as I plan my work here.  Even the most well thought out community projects can fail.  Economical and developmental experts from around the globe can congregate and establish plans for the future aid of the world’s newest country.  The only thing that I’m certain will continue after the last NGO has left South Sudan is the love of Jesus Christ for the people here.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy,
to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God...
-Romans 12:1