I am currently sitting at
the tail end of what could be considered my first “rough week” out in the
mission field. Of course,
different missionaries have different criteria and circumstances for what they
deem difficult; however, for me, physical setbacks are always a guaranteed
downer. It started with some food poisoning and dehydration, which led to much
immobility during a time when I had
made big plans for myself. I was
planning on spending my week going
into town, making new friends with everyone, practicing my Arabic, and having
pretty much the perfect week introducing my wonderful self to Mundri town. Of course, this itinerary was only in
my egocentric mind. In reality, I
was stuck in the team house, sipping chicken broth and lime green Gatorade,
praying that I wouldn’t snap at the next unsuspecting child who came knocking
on the door to ask for an unused jerry can.
Yes,
I must admit that this past week I started to feel the pangs of “culture
shock.” I found myself getting
irritated by the little cultural nuances that used to seem “interesting” to me. And the little things seemed
insurmountable. I hated the
monumental holes in the road, the stares I got at the market, the lack of good
vegetables, and those relentless goats, who manage to bleat loudly enough to
overpower my music. I was sick,
literally and emotionally, of having to greet every single person who passed
through the compound and make small talk with them, when I hadn’t the slightest
grasp of the Moru language. I
would then feel the flood of guilt, not only for my lack in language skills,
but also for my lack of personal, communicative skills. I was also frustrated in my weak body
for letting me down. Back in the
states I never got sick. Here in
Africa, I got one bad day, and it put me out for the whole week. Even as I started to feel like I was on
the mend, I got struck with chronic stomach pain, which sent me to my tukul for
another day and a half of infirm isolation.
I
started to imagine that I could be sick for a long time. My mind raced as I pictured months of
sickness that ended in little work and my being sent back to the states—a
glimpse of failure. I wondered if
I needed to start preparing myself for this possibility. My spirit was sinking like feet in the
African mud and I wasn’t sure how to pull it up free again. I decided that going to the Word for
guidance was a safe bet.
I
decided to look through the Psalms for encouragement, as David is a great
example of faith under trial. God moved me to look at 147, which I don’t recall
having ever looked at. It was a
blessing to read Psalms in a new and refreshing way and have God speak so
specifically to me through the verses in this chapter. Verses 10 and 11 were particularly
fitting:
His pleasure is not in the
strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of man; the Lord delights in
those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
These words not only encouraged me of God’s
unconditional love for me, but also they convicted me of my obsessive tendency
so succeed out of my own strength.
Ever since I have gotten to S. Sudan I have been so focused on accomplishing
want I think is important, that I haven’t stopped to pray and reflect on what
God’s plan may be for me here.
Maybe His plan does involve me being humbled weakened for a long amount
of time. After all, it is not I
who is accomplishing the great works in S. Sudan. This chapter also had me reflect upon God’s power through
both joy and suffering. Coming to
S. Sudan I acknowledged that I would gladly face suffering for the name of the
cross. Now, I realized that I am
only willing to face the minor discomforts or the trials of my choice. If it is a suffering related to nausea
or thirst, I want out right away.
This
past week I have been frequently reminded of my weakness in light of God’s
power and grace. It is a humbling
reality, but a freeing one, knowing that the weight of the world isn’t on my
weak shoulders.
Extol
the Lord, O Jerusalem; praise your God, O Zion, for He strengthens the bars of your gates and blesses your people
within you. He grants peace to
your borders and satisfies you with the finest of wheat. – Psalm 147:12-14
-Just to let everyone know, I am in good health
now! I have also gotten to have
some good conversations with my teammates and am working through the tensions
of culture shock.
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