Photography Finds

Recently, I've been looking at the works of some amazing photographers who have worked in East Central Africa (and South Sudan, more specifically).  Their work is inspiring and beautiful, and I hope you all enjoy looking at it as much as I do!

Cedric Gerbehaye

Toni Greaves

Jonathan Torgovnik

And, my favorite, Pete Muller.

Rocky Roads

I was soaring this past week.  Really feeling like things were on the up and up.  I got some work nannying, which not only kept my mind focused, but kept me moving, and helped provide me with some much needed income.  I was encouraged by my conversations and time together with friends and family.  And (above all) I was feeling like a success, having raised over 85% of my support needed to go overseas and do what I have always wanted to do.

Then, today, I hit the bump in the road.  I hit what felt like a sudanese-sized bump in the road, the kind that stops a large jeep in its tracks.  One of the administrators at WHM revealed to me that, out of an awful misunderstanding of my own doing, I have been miscalculating my support numbers.  That 85% that I was so proud about was no more.  Actually, my figures are nowhere near it.

After getting over my initial anger at my own idiocy, and moving past my fear of people's perceptions of me (the slow-going, support-failing ginger), I forced myself to get over myself.    

God is good.  He provides for me and is blessing with an opportunity to live out my passions.  The only part that is about me is where I step past this bump and keep moving.

2 Corinth. 12:7

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh...

What's the Rush all About?

bbc news

I read this article this morning about the University of Johannesburg accepting some more late applications.

Meanwhile... back in other parts of the world...

I feel like similar situations ensue each Christmas.  In the mid 90's, it was the Tickle-Me-Elmo that caused adults to lose their minds.  

On Grief

BBC News

     I have to admit that at some point during this past year, I started to believe that the suffering found in the first world had less validity than the suffering of those in the third world.  I guess my mind has been so focused there, on the developing regions, going straight to news articles on hungry children in Somalia, while ignoring those about the struggles of those in America.  In my opinion, most situations in the developing world are more urgent and do require more care.  However, when two different people from two different cultures are both suffering, aren't both feelings equally valid and don't both situations require an equal amount of sympathy?  Must the context really matter? I've been struggling with these questions.

     The topic of grief has been at the forefront of my mind as I've been reading Chris Cleave's novel Little Bee.  The story is about the merging lives of a Nigerian refugee and a British magazine editor.  Both experience loss and pain in their lives, and happen to reunite as very weary and broken women.  It is a very captivating book-- one that, I admit, I had originally turned my nose up at, hearing that it was a popular one among female book clubs.  That makes since, though.  Reading about the coping of others in grief can help validate ones own emotions.  
      Going even further to the extreme of grievances in the first world are eating disorders.  Last night, I had the unfortunate experience of finding some pro-anorexia websites (thank you, Pinterest).  My heart instantly grieved for these young women who suffer with such an isolating and stubborn disease.  I looked at graphic photos of protruding ribs and bent shoulders and cut up bodies-- all dissatisfied, all in pain.  However, my mind quickly jumped to images of emaciated children in Somalia and I felt my heart slowly cooling to these first world images.  I think, "A thirteen year old Sudanese refugee would never turn down food that was handed to her if she was hungry!"  But I can't play these hypothetical games with the context of the grief.  Besides, eating disorders are a complicated topic (and they can certainly exist anywhere in the world).
     I have definitely felt convicted of my lack of sympathy for the plight of others who seem to "have" more.  Grief is grief.  A breaking soul is a breaking soul.  And Jesus is there for them all.

Psalm 116
"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy... I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord... Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."  

Ongoing Battles

Pete Muller

Pete Muller

BBC News

Keep S. Sudan, its people, its leaders, and those trying to mediate in your prayers.  BBC article

BBC News

Boston Herald

What started as cattle raiding between tribes has quickly escalated into civil war between the ethnic groups of Lou Nuer and Murle.  The fighting is taking place in the eastern part of South Sudan, hitting the town of Pibor the hardest.

The Guardian

The Guardian

Pete Muller

One of Those Days

Or maybe just one of those weeks.  I've been looking through Proverbs 3, which is aptly titled "Guidance for the Young."  Reading through it is showing me how much more I still have to learn.  I'm trying to work on not leaning toward my own understanding of things, which is extremely difficult.  Living inside this head of mine day after day, it is hard to give up the notion that my own understanding might not be supreme. 

I recently stumbled upon the photography of Lucie and Simon, two french photographers who collaborate to produce dark and highly narrative photos.  Just my style!

Shameless

Shameless TV show.  Pretty funny, but not the topic of this blog.

    
     This week I've been learning about repentance, which has been blowing my mind.  Up to this point, I have really thought of repentance as an action-- the steps I take to get rid of the guilty feeling I have about my sin.  I am so much more comfortable when I have a list set out of things I can do to improve myself.  I have really had to take a step back to think about how warped my perception is. 
     As one who is very prone to fall into self-pity, it is easy for me to mistake my guilt for repentance, to confuse my shame with a real turning toward God.  When I complain to God about what a wretched individual I am, I really think I'm doing the right thing.  It really is quite the opposite. The root of my shame and self-loathing is the disappointment that I am not as morally good as I would like-- that my perception of myself is not where I would like it to be.  It is truly a self-centered sorrow, focused on how I've grieved and let down myself, instead of how I've grieved my God.  The shame can eat away at me, and I struggle to find ways to make myself right before God. 
    Why don't I have the simple faith to believe that I'm already right before God?  My futile actions to redeem myself actually make a mockery of the cross.  Of course I am a mess-- I'm prideful and doubtful, and hateful and lustful.  But the one thing that I refuse to notice in myself is my shameful reliance on myself.  2 Corinth. 7:9,10 puts things well:
"I am happy, not b/c you were made sorry, but b/c your sorrow led you to repentance.  For you became sorrowful as God intended...Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret..."
     I love self-improvement.  I think a lot of people in today's culture do too. We just have to remember what this focus says about our faith.