What am I doing?

This week, after starting out with much enthusiasm and hope, has left me feeling bleak and pessimistic.  I have only accomplished about half of what I was hoping to do.  It seemed as though every simple task I needed to accomplish was complicated by my lack of organization and forgetfulness.  Initial forms that I should have turned in to World Harvest headquarters weeks ago were finally sent off after much corresponding and binder-searching.  The thought of raising all of the money and receiving all of the training that I need by the new year seems like a Herculean task.  Also, the guilt over not having a steady job has been weighing pretty heavily upon me.  After a full summer off, I have had more than enough time to recover from my pseudo-traumatic first year of teaching middle school.  I need to work, or I will feel useless.  Granted, I know people's worth are not found in the job they do.  However, people need to learn to be good stewards of their time.  That always seems to be harder for me the more time I do have.  When I'm busy I get into a rhythm and go.  Currently, I feel like I haven't even gotten my stride.  Speaking of strides, I may stop by my old alma mater tomorrow morning and catch the cross-country team during one of its summer morning practices.  It has been years since I have seen my old coaches.  Maybe reliving the glory days of when I was named "most dedicated" athlete will encourage me to pick up the pace in my path to Africa.  If not, I may bribe myself with a Starbuck's hazelnut latte if I can sit there for a couple hours and crank out some work.  (Are there any local tea or coffee places in the West End of Richmond???) As much as I do love my usual warm beverages, it would be lovely to branch out to a local, family owned place.