Guilt-free Living

   
     It's hard to believe that I have just one month left before I head out to South Sudan!  Although this whole process of support raising has taken much longer than I expected, I had never really imagined what these final weeks would look like.  With the realization of my deployment at hand, I've been trying to enjoy my time with friends, experiencing some of the luxuries that come with living in the States.  Last weekend, Kira (my twin sister) and I went with our best friend Liz to Washington D.C. to see her try on her wedding gown. It was such a privilege to have Liz drive me through the horrific D.C. traffic just for me to get a glimpse of her in her wedding dress.  (She looks amazing in it, by the way.) Her wedding is just one of the three that I will be missing while over in Mundri.
     During our time in D.C. we indulged in some great food at Serendipity, a restaurant that has always been on my list.  We then meandered around Georgetown, shopping at vintage stores and getting those famous Georgetown cupcakes.  Of course, the trip wasn't without a parking ticket and some impulse purchases, as well.

Crab cake sandwich, white omelettes, and sweet potato fries!
(oh yes, and some Cupcake wine)

No TLC stars here today

     I left DC feeling grateful for quality time with Kira and Liz, but heavy, with the weight of guilt sinking deep into my conscience.  I had spent more money than I had planned on this one day outing.  My mind kept going back to my team and my neighbors in Mundri-- "What would they think of all this spending?... the frozen hot chocolate, the gourmet cupcakes!" I had told myself that I was going to "simplify" my life in preparation for the move overseas.  I even had a yard sale, in which I sold all of my superfluous belongings.  That morning, I watched as people snatched up some of my favorite tops and purses for mere quarters and proudly thought, "no more 'trendy' clothes for me.  Just the necessities."

     My sense of guilt in Western living has grown and weighed more heavily on me and I finally decided to come before the Lord with it last night and admit my sins.  Surprisingly, what the Lord showed me was that my sin wasn't in my Western lifestyle, but in my guilt.  I had been walking around for weeks, feeling like I didn't have a Savior, that I needed to redeem myself through my own frugal actions.  What lack of faith that shows on my part! The Lord tells me, "My grace is sufficient for you." (2 Cor. 12:9)  How many times do I try to erase guilt through my own futile actions?  Today, I am again reminded of my freedom, and it feels wonderful.  It has made me excited, eager to spend these last weeks with my closest friends, even if it means going out for a meal or a movie to do it.  Of course, I strongly believe that I need to be a good steward of my money, but only the Lord can cleanse my conscience.       

Hebrews 10:18- And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.