Theology and Film

Nate Clarke's Vimeo Page

   
     A couple nights ago I got to hear documentary filmmaker Nate Clarke speak about his work and the art of storytelling.  It was refreshing to see the work of someone who is so passionate about capturing people's lives and sharing their stories.  He had a lot to say about film today-- most of which, I agreed with.  Like me, he is frustrated with the "Christian" film industry.  It has pretty much isolated itself, creating predictable plots with neatly wrapped up endings that are saturated in an agenda.  Granted, these popular Christian films with a strong message do have a place and can be effective; however, I long for some innovative individuals to step forward and produce films that raise theological questions without cramming an agenda down people's throats.

      At the end of his talk, Nate exhorted us to be better patrons of the arts, to go out and invest in it, instead of staying in our homes and trying to download it for free.  It isn't a lucrative business, the documentary film industry.  (I guess not many jobs in the arts are) Many people tend to make excuses for not investing in the arts because looking through another's frame of reference and belief system can be uncomfortable.  I believe that people are impressionable and we must monitor our intake; however, we will never understand those around us if we don't turn and look at things from their perspective.  It certainly doesn't mean we have to agree with everything we see, but we owe it to others to listen-- after all, I want people to give my point of view a chance.

Art 180 love! Monument Avenue looks great!

Crooked Beauty

On this note, a particularly unique film festival is coming to Richmond in May.  Here is the site.  I'm excited to get the chance to see some good films that focus on individuals with disabilities.

On Forgiveness

eye for an eye: always seems like a good idea on film

 
       All signs the past couple of weeks have been pointing me to forgiveness (against much refusal and stubborn denial on my part).  If someone told me I have problems forgiving, I would initially reject this accusation.  I honestly don't have a lot of conflict with people, so I can quickly assume I forgive and forget rather easily.  However, once you start bringing in words like, "anger, bitterness, and rage" I start to wonder, "how much do I hold onto?"  The more I have been dwelling on this topic, the more the Lord has been revealing to me the extent of my bitterness and anger, and my refusal to forgive as the Lord calls me to forgive.
     As someone who is a moral "striver," I tend to ignore or suppress feelings of anger and replace them with more appropriate words like, "worry" or "sadness." I forget that God has created all emotions and they are not intrinsically bad.  Anger can be okay if it is out of defense for something good (but not okay if it is out of defense for my ego or my agenda).  However, I tend to take things a little too far, dwelling on words said, (or, even worse, words unsaid) and I become imprisoned to these interactions until my own personal sense of "justice" has been achieved.
     It is a complete reversal of the gospel, a complete rejection of the grace that the Lord has so generously lavished upon me.  Given my prideful nature, it is just so very difficult to forgive.  Tim Keller says, "When you forgive, that means you absorb the loss... All forgiveness, then, is costly."  My tendency is to run away from emotional pain, to ignore the hurts for as long as humanly possible (or at least until a deeper wound has been made).  Even more difficult, is forgiving when offenders show no sign of remorse or changed behavior.  "The nerve!" I think to myself, shooting emotional daggers in their direction.  I don't even pause to think about my own unchanged, sinful behavior, or my own self-righteousness in pointing out their flaws.
   "Those who are forgiven much, love much."  It all comes down to my ignorance of my own sin.  If I saw my sin as it really was, I would be more grateful of the forgiveness I have been given each and every day.  In that heart of gratitude, I could more easily absorb the pain and forgive others.  I'm just thankful I have the Holy Spirit to help me in this, because I'm pretty much a mess.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

- Ephesians 4:31,32        

Oh, Lisbeth Salander, how you do love your revenge.

Reality Check

"silly" group photo

     I knew it would be difficult transitioning from MTI in Colorado to life back in Richmond.  After five weeks, I had gotten a routine, a rhythm, a sense of safety among the 45 adults and 25 kids at the training center.  Life was a near-Utopia, filled with spiritual affirmations, games, journaling, and all the hot chocolate and Celestial Seasonings I could want!  I conversed with like-minded people who are going through the same mental trials I have been sifting through.  I was given tools that I will use for the rest of my life-- tools that teach me to step outside of myself and humbly, graciously enter other people's worlds.  Most important, it was a month in which I could allow the Holy Spirit to move freely in me, without having the usual death grip I have on my wants,  my plans, and myself.
     There were so many times during training that God revealed His character and Truth to me.  Sometimes it was through my time in the classroom; other times, it was through the honest words of a friend.  However, the Lord spoke to me the most clearly through His Word.  One time that stands out was when the group practiced a Sabbath day, resting and reading scripture.  I dwelled upon Matthew 11:28, 29.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy

and my burden is light. 

      This is scripture that I have read many times over throughout my life; however, it never had much of an impact on me.  It all seemed pretty obvious to me, and I always glossed over it, without really reflecting on if I believed it or not.  During my time of reflection at MTI, I was hit hard with the reality of how much I try to do things my way, thinking it is the easy way.  If I just gave it all up to the Lord, the burdens that have been weighing so heavily on me would be lifted.  I finally got a taste of living under this new reality, and I wanted more and more of it.  

      Of course, it is easy giving over control to the Lord when you are stuck in a retreat center, contemplating life with dozens of other Christians.  Now that I am back in Richmond, my mind is filling again with the weight of support raising, insecurities, my current job situation, and my relationships with friends and family.  I am already feeling the "twangs" of discomfort, the tension between what my flesh wants to do, and what the Lord beckons me to do.  It would be easy to give in to defeat and turn desperately to my own strivings.  However, I know how powerfully the Lord can work in the human heart-- He has showed this to me over the past five weeks.  "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:31   

Tim, one of our compassionate teachers

thoroughly enjoying my kid time!

the ever-energetic and toe-stepping Robin! (another teacher)

loving on my two fave conflict styles

Air Force Academy 

Goodbye snow!  I will miss you!

Learning Times at MTI

Goodbye PILAT, hello SPLICE!

     

     The SPLICE portion of training is well under way, with all the emotional baggage and introspection that one can imagine.  This past week, we participated in activities and lectures that touched upon issues of culture shock, family relationships, and conflict style.
     I particularly enjoyed learning about the various conflict style categories into which people fall.  After learning about each of these styles, and finding out who fell into which category, I understood a lot about why people act the way they do.

Turtle

     Turtles don't like conflict, and they avoid it as much as possible.  They withdraw and deny that there is even a problem.  They can be of benefit when trivial issues come up that really don't need the drama.  However, they can leave tensions unresolved, which causes them to build up over time.  

Teddy Bear

     Teddy bears are those selfless people who put peace and resolution before their own goals and desires.  In order to create harmony, they agree with everyone else and hide their own opinions.  While they are wonderful for preserving relationships during conflict, they can likely harbor resentment that can lead to more conflict.  

Shark

     Sharks are driven to come to resolutions as quickly as possible.  They step up and make decisions for the group when no one else is willing.  However, they can be very abrasive, putting their own agenda ahead of friends' opinions and feelings.

Owl

     This is the category I fell into.  Owls tend to be a little obsessive over finding the perfect balance between decision making and relationship keeping.  They want everyone to be a winner, and will consume everyone's time and energy to come up with the "perfect plan."  Owls can burn people out, and tend to spend time on issues that are pretty trivial.  

    The interesting thing about the owl group is that we can't exist on the mission field.  Robin, our SPLICE instructor, told us that it isn't realistic to spend countless hours analyzing the smallest of issues when we will have so many responsibilities and problems to tackle.  Much to our dismay, we owls had to choose our second closest category.  From this secondary category, we will look at how we should interact with others during conflict.

Foxes

     My next closest category for conflict management was that of the fox.  This is the style that I will, naturally, most likely take on while out on the mission field.  Foxes are all about compromise.  They believe that everyone must give and take for a sensible solution to be made.  They are considerate enough to ask for the opinions of the meek teddy bears and turtles, but understand that, at the end of the day, a decision must be made.  The problem with foxes is that they tend to create solutions in which everyone must give a little something up.  This results in a lack of passion in the game plan-- it all seems very mediocre. 

    

      I really enjoyed discussing these different categories of people.  Even more enjoyable was the time each animal group took to affirm the other.  We foxes sat across the teddy bears and told them what we respected about them, what we could never do as foxes.  The teddy bears did the same to us.  All this is very emotional and sappy, I know, but I believe that it is important to be building up a heart of gratitude and humble reliance on those around us.  This will be key once I'm out of my element in South Sudan. 

     God has been good to give me friends here who I trust and I feel I can be vulnerable around.  That's good, since these friends have been all the more willing to ask the difficult, probing questions that can get at the root of who I am and where I need encouragement.  I am very grateful for them.   

Philippians 4:12,13- I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

        

  

Continued Prayers...

S. Sudan map from bbcnews

Again, keep S. Sudan in your prayers, as fighting continues.  This go around, the shooting seems even more haphazard.

News.

World Food Programme

africannewssearch.com

Photography Finds

Recently, I've been looking at the works of some amazing photographers who have worked in East Central Africa (and South Sudan, more specifically).  Their work is inspiring and beautiful, and I hope you all enjoy looking at it as much as I do!

Cedric Gerbehaye

Toni Greaves

Jonathan Torgovnik

And, my favorite, Pete Muller.

Rocky Roads

I was soaring this past week.  Really feeling like things were on the up and up.  I got some work nannying, which not only kept my mind focused, but kept me moving, and helped provide me with some much needed income.  I was encouraged by my conversations and time together with friends and family.  And (above all) I was feeling like a success, having raised over 85% of my support needed to go overseas and do what I have always wanted to do.

Then, today, I hit the bump in the road.  I hit what felt like a sudanese-sized bump in the road, the kind that stops a large jeep in its tracks.  One of the administrators at WHM revealed to me that, out of an awful misunderstanding of my own doing, I have been miscalculating my support numbers.  That 85% that I was so proud about was no more.  Actually, my figures are nowhere near it.

After getting over my initial anger at my own idiocy, and moving past my fear of people's perceptions of me (the slow-going, support-failing ginger), I forced myself to get over myself.    

God is good.  He provides for me and is blessing with an opportunity to live out my passions.  The only part that is about me is where I step past this bump and keep moving.

2 Corinth. 12:7

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh...